It has been far too long since last I posted. I think I lost my way.. Actually I forgot this blog existed. I don't know where it went in the recesses of my mind.. but there it went, and here we are. Life. Such a funny thing.
So life has moved on, I am still in love, still living with balled up tissues and a wet floor in the bathroom from his showers.. But we've moved back to where I feel at home. I still wonder if he has found a way to make this his home as well. Time will tell. He seems happy, the space of being in a house rather than an apartment is wonderful. Life it seems has changed, but here I am holding on to all the best bits and still not wanting to ever let go :)
I Haven't really started to write or paint yet.. I suppose that will come in time. Right now everything is still half renovated, with boxes and tools everywhere. It is hard to settle in when things aren't settled. But it will happen :)
Anyway I just thought I'd write a short blurb to see if I could get back into the hang of blogging. Still not sure anyone will read.. Still not sure I care if anyone reads or not. It's just nice to type.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Monday, April 26, 2010
Random Musings
I often wonder what it would feel like, to just let go. Would the world come to an end? Or would I wake up to find that everything is still there, nothing has changed.. except maybe I'd be happier?
I miss singing, but living in an apartment now, I'm afraid strangers will hear me. I miss painting, but now there is someone to see everything I do. If I fail he will see. Would he judge me? I doubt it.
But still. What if?
I miss going for long wondering walks along the beautiful bike paths I used to know, but I'm surrounded here by people I don't trust, in a city that does not quiet feel like home. I miss my trees, I miss the marina, I miss tilling the soil in my yard every spring to make it easier for new grass seeds to take root.
And yet with all these things I miss, I wouldn't walk away from this life for the world.
I may miss my trees, the freedom to sing or paint without another soul to care or critique.. I may miss the excitement I got, in the thrill of the chase.. But compared to the utter sense of loss I feel at the mere thought of loosing you. Nothing could make me give this life up.
If you were to leave me, I would miss your shy smile eager to please. I would miss the way you curl into me when you sleep, settling in with a sigh only when your face meets my breast. It would kill me to never hear you call me baby, or sweet heart, or love. And truly I would miss your singing.
I could do without the pee on the toilette seat, the water splashed all over the floor when there is clearly a mat you can stand on. I would not miss the clothes strewn about, or the thousands of balled up tissues everywhere from one of the many times a day you blow your nose. I would not miss your keen ability to ruin every romantic moment I carefully create by farting or making some joke referencing my mom. Yet still you catch me off guard. When I'm doing the dishes, or my ankle goes out and I've fallen.. You're always there when I need you most. My rock. I would not trade you for the world.
And so I sit here wondering, what would life be like if I could let go. Embrace life, instead of try to control it. Would you cheat if I gave you every opportunity? Would the world come to an end if I didn't say I love you every time we say goodbye? Would people get hurt if I relax and get drunk. If I stopped caring so much about every person I have ever met... do you think you would still love me? If I learned to say NO... would I be a bitch?
All I know is that I love you. I truly, deeply, Madly love you. With a passion I have never felt before, with a certainty I did not know existed I LOVE YOU! <3
OK I'll go back to watching Dirty Jobs and getting ready for bed.. Just thought I would write.
-Me
I miss singing, but living in an apartment now, I'm afraid strangers will hear me. I miss painting, but now there is someone to see everything I do. If I fail he will see. Would he judge me? I doubt it.
But still. What if?
I miss going for long wondering walks along the beautiful bike paths I used to know, but I'm surrounded here by people I don't trust, in a city that does not quiet feel like home. I miss my trees, I miss the marina, I miss tilling the soil in my yard every spring to make it easier for new grass seeds to take root.
And yet with all these things I miss, I wouldn't walk away from this life for the world.
I may miss my trees, the freedom to sing or paint without another soul to care or critique.. I may miss the excitement I got, in the thrill of the chase.. But compared to the utter sense of loss I feel at the mere thought of loosing you. Nothing could make me give this life up.
If you were to leave me, I would miss your shy smile eager to please. I would miss the way you curl into me when you sleep, settling in with a sigh only when your face meets my breast. It would kill me to never hear you call me baby, or sweet heart, or love. And truly I would miss your singing.
I could do without the pee on the toilette seat, the water splashed all over the floor when there is clearly a mat you can stand on. I would not miss the clothes strewn about, or the thousands of balled up tissues everywhere from one of the many times a day you blow your nose. I would not miss your keen ability to ruin every romantic moment I carefully create by farting or making some joke referencing my mom. Yet still you catch me off guard. When I'm doing the dishes, or my ankle goes out and I've fallen.. You're always there when I need you most. My rock. I would not trade you for the world.
And so I sit here wondering, what would life be like if I could let go. Embrace life, instead of try to control it. Would you cheat if I gave you every opportunity? Would the world come to an end if I didn't say I love you every time we say goodbye? Would people get hurt if I relax and get drunk. If I stopped caring so much about every person I have ever met... do you think you would still love me? If I learned to say NO... would I be a bitch?
All I know is that I love you. I truly, deeply, Madly love you. With a passion I have never felt before, with a certainty I did not know existed I LOVE YOU! <3
OK I'll go back to watching Dirty Jobs and getting ready for bed.. Just thought I would write.
-Me
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